Disasters

  • Mistake Gummy Candy

    The Gummy Dummy.

    July 25th, 2013

    This is a three-part disaster, so buckle up. Some of my disasters aren’t really that heartbreaking, like the time I melted plastic wrap all over my bowl of rising dough.  Oooooh.  Although annoying, I was somehow able to carry on. But this one- sorry, these three disasters- these hurt. Allow me to set the stage: […]

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  • Mistake Elmo Cupcakes

    Hell-no, El-mo.

    July 11th, 2013

    I am absolutely and entirely mortified by this disaster. My Old-Fashioned Chocolate Cake recipe- the recipe which I swear by, and have made more times than is even remotely healthy to admit- let me down in the midst of baking with a friend for her kid’s first birthday party.  “Come by- we can bake, have some […]

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  • Egg Shells

    Egg Shell… What the Hell?

    July 7th, 2013

    Look closely, my friends. See them?  The two little pieces of egg shell? By the time I noticed them it was too late.  I had already mixed, poured, and put what I was baking into the oven.  I had no way of knowing whether other shells- evil little renegade shells- made their way into the […]

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  • Over-Whipped Cream

    Whipped Cream Whoops.

    June 1st, 2013

    Yeah, you probably don’t want to over whip your cream to the point where it’s the consistency of whipped butter. Stiff, whipped butter. Banana Coconut Cream Pie is a beautiful thing, and deserves a perfectly-beaten crown of whipped cream that’s pillowy and soft and smooth.  Not the kind you have to actually cut through with […]

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  • Broken Brownie Bowl

    Brownie Bowl Breakage… RIP.

    May 29th, 2013

    Old Faithful bit the biscuit. (No, not like my most recent recipe for disaster- the sad Buttermilk Biscuits that failed to rise because I failed to add baking soda… a small but sort of important detail.) This disaster might not seem like a disaster  to you at all, but hear me out.  I had been […]

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  • Sad Mistaken Buttermilk Biscuits

    These Biscuits “Bit the Biscuit”.

    May 22nd, 2013

     “SH*T.” That’s what you say when you realize after you’ve patted your mound of Buttermilk Biscuit dough out before cutting it into cute little circles that you’ve FORGOTTEN THE BAKING SODA. Some ingredients are okay to forget.  For example, when you’re making a batch of the World’s Greatest Fudge Brownies and you forget to add the […]

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  • Mistake Twinkie- Overstuffed

    Twinkie Trouble.

    March 30th, 2013

    I know, I know. Some might not call this a ‘disaster’ at all.  Some might call it a resounding success. Homemade Twinkies are amazing things, and deserve to be stuffed full of fluffy, not-good-for-you frosting.  It’s the definition of ‘stuffed’ that’s up for debate.  Nearly bursting is acceptable.  Chock full is acceptable.  A frosting explosion is unacceptable, especially […]

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  • Angel Food Possessed by the Devil

    Possessed by the Devil… Angel Food Cake.

    March 23rd, 2013

    I can’t even begin to comment on what happened here, other than to say that I need to perform an exorcism of sorts in my kitchen. Apparently the devil won the arm wrestle with the angel, at least in this batch of what was supposed to be adorable mini Angel Food Cakes.   (The recipe […]

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  • Mistaken Vegan Muffins with Milk

    So Very, Very Un-Vegan.

    February 27th, 2013

    Dear Lord. To what depths of hell to you go when you give a vegan friend a cute little bag of mini Oat-Branana Muffins with Cinnamon Glaze that are so not vegan at all? This almost happened today.  I had the little vegan buggers all set to deliver.  I was so proud of myself to have made […]

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  • Silicone Sucks

    Silicone Sucks.

    February 23rd, 2013

      I am officially throwing out my silicone baking pans. Because they suck. (In the spirit of being an accountable person, I am willing to take responsibility for the [many] mistakes I make in the kitchen.  See this entire freaking page for honest accounts of my failures.  But in this case, I can’t see where […]

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  • Heart... Broken in Oven

    Heart… Broken.

    February 9th, 2013

    Just in case it’s not entirely obvious what happened here, I’ll expand on how this went down. Picture the scene: Pain-stakingly made Chocolate Shortbread Heart Pops finally put into oven.  (I say pain-stakingly because let’s be honest- shortbread isn’t for bakers looking for a quickie in the kitchen.  If you’re looking for fast love, turn […]

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  • Mistake- Bourbon Mocha Cake Cracks

    Cake Crack.

    January 23rd, 2013

    Cakes typically don’t have cracks deep enough to store things in them, like utensils and napkins. This cake did. (Just to clarify- I didn’t end up really storing anything in the cracks.  But I could have if I was so inclined.) (Diagnosis?  Too hot of an oven, opening the oven door too often, lack of […]

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  • The Whipped Cheese Disaster

    The Dairy Disaster.

    January 16th, 2013

    “Does this whipped cream smell like cheese to you?” The Husband was halfway through his highly anticipated cup of Haute Chocolate when he asked that question. (I’m incredibly neurotic about food and freshness and quality and germs and such.  So this dairy mishap is not a reflection of risks I take in the kitchen… I […]

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  • Mistake- Gingerbread Slaughter

    Gingerbread? GingerBROKEN.

    December 24th, 2012

    This wasn’t supposed to happen.  Especially on the day before Christmas. It was a horrible scene: legs, arms, torsos, heads- everywhere.  The poor little gingerbread buggers couldn’t even defend themselves, stuck in their stupid little silicone baking trays (the stupid little baking trays that I also happened to spray with non-stick spray, even though I shouldn’t […]

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  • The Maca-Ruin: a Burned Macaroon

    The Maca-RUIN Cookie.

    December 4th, 2012

    I’m not even going to dignify this post with a comment. It’s obvious to everyone what happened here. (I am pretty pleased with my name of this cooke, though: Maca-ruin.  Get it?  It’s supposed to be a Macaroon?  Looking for silver linings here, folks.)

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  • Mistakenly Underbaked Maple Sour Cream Bundt Cake

    Cake… Underbaked.

    November 14th, 2012

    At first glance this looks like a really good Maple Sour Cream Bundt Cake with Maple Icing, doesn’t it?  Yeah well, it’s not.  Good, that is. It IS the cake you thought it looked like… see the wicked layer of toasted nuts & maple sugar in the middle of the cake?  See the oozing, thick, […]

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  • Mint Bar mistake that looks like alien brains

    Grotesque Alien Brains.

    October 27th, 2012

    This was supposed to look like a creamy, green layer of Callebeaut white chocolate minty goodness. Instead it turned out like alien brains, spread over a perfectly good layer of semi-sweet chocolate. Which would be fine if I was serving them at a kid’s Halloween party.  But I don’t know any kids and I’m not […]

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  • Mistake of "Broken" Cake

    The Crappy Cake Break.

    October 17th, 2012

    So there’s this new thing called non-stick spray. Huh. Who knew? (In actuality, I’m not that much of an idiot.  I did use spray- although clearly not enough [in lieu of butter, because this glorious Old-Fashioned Chocolate Cake is vegan and I didn’t want to taint the pan with the horror of dairy in this instance], […]

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