Disasters
Word to the wise: This is what happens when you don’t use a measuring spoon to carefully dispense a tablespoon of espresso powder into your bowl of flour + baking soda + salt for your most excellent Mochanana Cake. This is what happens when you think “I can just sprinkle the espresso powder into the […]
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So I was aiming to make the uber-amazing Caramel Chocolate Pecan Cubes (or something similar enough), and something went awry. Something irreparable. Something I still can’t explain. All I know is this: I melted the caramel. I pressed the pecans into the caramel, while simultaneously fantasizing about how cute the finished product would look cut […]
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I have been known to make mistakes. I bake a lot, so I rationalize that I’m allowed to come up with a few disasters every now and then (like every month, on average. So if I bake two things a week, I’m disasterizing 12.5% of my recipes. Hm. That sounds expensive, considering that the ingredients […]
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Sometimes I think I’m so smart, and then I’m brought back down to reality by a furry and mischievous cat with stripes. While baking a batch of shortbread cookies (Shortbread Flowers, in particular- pretty for spring and all), I knew I had to outsmart the younger cat in the household, given that he has a […]
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When you’re all excited about your latest baking masterpiece, the last thing you want to have happen is this. The 4-Layer Insanity Bars were all but ready to be served, all but ready to be graced upon this world. (Really- I toiled over these mofos for a very long time– like a four-layer kind of long […]
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I don’t really want to talk about this disaster. I hope that’s okay with you. And I also hope you appreciate that it’s at least a festive f-up because of the whole green thing (St. Patty’s Day- get it?). These were meant to be appealing Mint Chocolate Fudge Brownie Bites. Not Radioactive Waste Fudge Brownie […]
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When a baking recipe instructs you to do things in a series of steps, you’re kind of sort of absolutely supposed to follow them. You’re supposed to be a good little baker and follow instructions. Especially when one of the steps involves the chemical reaction that baking soda creates when mixed with, oh, say, molasses […]
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Allow me to point out how multifaceted this disaster really was: The cream cheese filling in these incredible Cream Cheese Stuffed Blueberry Muffins was all over the goddamned place, which means the cream cheese was no longer in the muffins themselves. Not part of the plan when you want to bite into a cream cheese […]
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This disaster can be likened to the unibrow of muffins. No one likes unibrow. (Please tell me you know what unibrow is. If not, stop reading this and do something simple, like watching Sesame Street or pointing at planes fly in the sky or making my Quickie Toffee Graham Cracker Cookies.) No one likes a […]
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Why do I keep burning things in our microwave? It’s been four months now and you’d think I’d have gotten the hang of the fact that the big ‘ol box of radiation in our new place has some mad power going on inside of it. Remember the peanut butter casualty? (It smelled like burned PB […]
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Some ingredients you just don’t want to mix into the World’s Greatest Fudge Brownie. I’ll throw anything chocolate into them because I’m always up for a good time (I did buy chocolate covered goji berries with the intention of baking an unconventional yet super-trendy Goji Brownie, but the berries expired and in the interest of […]
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When you’re making caramel, the last thing you want to see on the face of your digital thermometer is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yeah, well, that’s what happened to me mid-way through the caramel-making session of a lifetime. (“Caramel-making session of a lifetime” defined here as the epic event of making Sea Salt & Bourbon Caramels. Seriously- […]
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Look closely at the picture above. Peanut butter chips don’t smell very good when they’re burning and filling your kitchen up with smoke. I’m just saying. Still trying to learn exactly how evil and powerful the new microwave is. Fighting the good fight. Interested in why I was microwaving PB chips? Yes, you should be. […]
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Ugh. Can I begin by telling you how expensive it is to screw up my Apple Cinnamon Strudel with Cinnamon Whipped Cream recipe? Dufour puff pastry = $12 (and worth every penny, when properly baked). I should have just bought the box, brought it home, and thrown it down the garbage chute. (Well, I guess I should […]
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I seem to have a real problem with coconut. (I’m confident with this statement because I’m still recovering from the memory of the MacaRUIN Cookie, which I’m bringing up here just because I’m still really impressed with myself for coming up with such a cool name for such an uncool situation.) This disaster was really […]
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I know the name of this post is gross, but it pales by comparison to the grossiosity of the disaster that ensued in the midst of making my Key Lime Coconut Bars with Lime Glaze, a most excellent dessert, if I do say so myself. This disaster deserves the name of a disease. A disease worse […]
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Don’t mess with your food processor when you’re wearing a new white tank top* and dealing with dark chocolate. Don’t try to get all strongman-competitor-like when the spinny blade thing won’t come out (which then means the whole goddamned bowl won’t come off the actual machine itself); don’t wrestle with the blade unless you want a […]
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One minute I was on top of the world… giddy with excitement over a new and sure-to-be-successful recipe. Next thing I knew, the tide was rising. My baby bread puddings were capsizing. Drowning in the very sinful batter of cream and sugar and Frangelico and vanilla that made it so special to begin with. For […]
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